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Friday was the funeral and memorial for Jim Waibel. It was something I was going into telling myself I had to be the strong one in the family. I had to be the one to hold up my family and make sure I wasn't emotional. Well, dad gave a speech and it was great.... hearing him get choked up killed me. Few tears were shed at that time but after the Benediction, the men dearest to my heart, lost it. Knowing my dad melts when he gets an "Aubrey Hug" I was at his side immediately hugging on him as close as I could and making sure he knew how proud I was of him and how much I loved him. My brother is not one to lose it or to become emotional around ANYONE and again it killed me seeing him upset. It breaks my heart seeing these strong men crumble. It makes my heart hurt knowing I can't change the past and make Jim come back to be with all of us.

A couple weeks ago I wrote about the events in Jim's disappearance and how we found he had gone to be with the Lord. Read about it here. Of all people I wanted to see that post, it was my family. I forwarded it to my parents and grandparents as I knew they would enjoy reading about how I looked up to Jim in my life. Well, they did love it and forwarded it on to many more to see my {tribute}, if you will. Friday was a day I was recognized for writing. I was thanked for my openess to share. I was greeted with open arms by Uncle Jim's family as they appreciated my thoughts after losing someone so close to me.

I honestly don't do good with meeting people or with expressing myself after a compliment so that day was overwhelming for me. Let's just say after we left the church and on our way home to get set up for the memorial, I lost it. Thank God for my amazing husband for his unconditional understanding and love and for consoling me throughout the drive. I try to be strong for my family and loved ones and I try to be the rock to hold up and encourage everyone, but sometimes I need to have my own meltdowns. And sometimes I need to listen to my emotions and lose it occassionally.

During this past weekend, a few close friends of mine have been dealing with struggles. All I want to do is wrap my arms around them and let them know I'm praying and God is watching over them and sending strength their way. It just isn't that simple all the time. I've come to a point where yes, I am a people pleaser. I very much care about what others think of me, I look to please everyone else before myself. I can't always do that.

I came home to a card from Andrew the other night and it made my heart melt. He pointed out everything I am worrying about now. How I want to please and give and bend over backwards to make sure people aren't hurting. He told me things I needed to hear about how he so appreciates what I do for him and his family and our family and home and for Drake. I love him for this {just because} card. They are the best of them all.

So here I am...exploding all these thoughts that have been bouncing around my head this weekend and I'm just so thankful for those close friends and family I have. They make me stronger and make me want to send my love their way for anything and everything.


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