Well, I started the Beachbody 21 Day Fix. I want to die but I also want to prove to myself I can do it. Have you been there? That place where you take pictures of yourself in only leggings and a sports bra and you're like "HOW DID I GET TO THIS PLACE?" and you suddenly realize you are the one person to blame. Bad habits, negative relationships with food and then you find yourself coping by eating more food.

Addiction to sugar and things that aren't fueling your body and mind yet you find yourself going back again and again and again?

That's me. We're in a series at church that's insanely deep and challenging but opening my eyes to so many things. So much guilt of knowing I'm now the one doing this to myself and owning that it's my thing to fix. My husband can't fix it, you can't fix it -- only I can make changes and fix it.

This posts has graced the blog far too many times since childbirth and I always try to find the happy medium of knowing I can love myself and my body for what it's worth but also knowing I'm responsible for keeping it safe and well and healthy.

We've made huge changes in our home this last year with wellness ... all except in the form of eating better. While we have good days or sometimes weeks, bad habits creep right back in. I will not discredit my body for carrying and delivery two healthy baby girls God chose us to be parents to, but I will say it's now my job to honor the body He gave me and make changes.

Guys, I'm 3 days in though on this 21 Day Fix - I might quit tomorrow. Maybe putting this post up won't let me get to the quitting stage though.

Fingers crossed.