The Truth On 24

September 9, 2013

Yesterday was my birthday and I wrote here that this year I wasn't really feeling it and it's very unlike me. I thought and thought and it really hit me why this year was so different from the rest for me. It's not easy saying this because my eyes still sting when I face this reality but I suppose it's time to write about it and get it off my chest so I can try to breath a bit more.

Growing up I knew I wanted to start a family young. I knew I wanted to be a mom and stay home with kiddos and I had an image in my mind of when I'd start and when I'd be done. All along I wanted 3 babies. I wanted to start soon after marriage and I wanted to be done by the time I was 24. Here I am, 24 with no babies of my own. Andrew and I have talked and talked and we're just not fully there and ready to move forward with expanding our family and that hurts me. 

Saturday I spent the majority of my day with my sweet God Daughter, Peyton (she's 2) and her mom and dad at a little one's first birthday. Taylor was turning one and we know her because her mom and dad are great friends to Andrew and I. I remember learning when each of these girls were pregnant and being ecstatic for them. I remember thinking God is blessing their lives and I couldn't be happier for them and I shouldn't be far behind in announcing the same news. Sitting at Taylor's birthday party Saturday, emotion completely took me over and I had a moment of panic and hurt realizing I would be 24 the very next day and still haven't been able to announce that amazing news of being pregnant.

I have to be honest and say, I have been scared the last couple years thinking about having kids and expanding but this past summer spending more time with Drake has sealed the deal and reassured me I am ready and I can't wait for that next chapter of life. I love being a stepmom to him, I love getting hugs and packing lunches and going shopping together. I love being a "mom". So Sunday, my birthday, I was emotional. I was hurting and I was upset.

Am I wallowing? Absolutely. It's quite selfish and I know this. It isn't just about me and my wants and I fully respect Andrew wanting some more time just us, I do too! It just hits you hard when your stepson talks daily about having siblings and then all the sudden you're 24 and that number is a connotation with something that hasn't happened.

As we stand now, we're still at least a year out with trying to expand and that's something I am okay with some days. Others, it sucks. It doesn't help most of our friends we spend time with are either pregnant now or have children so being surrounded by that constantly again, isn't easy. 

As for my birthday, it honestly started shitty. It was filled with tears and frustrations and lots of hugs from my husband trying to make me feel better. I splurged in the afternoon for a mani | pedi which picked up my spirits and our dear friends David and Holly saved the day. They came over with little notice with everything for fondue and we ate and drank and laughed and it's just what the doctor ordered to turn this birthday around. I couldn't be more thankful for them and all they do for me. They both are beyond selfless and always putting others first. They made me sit while they did all the prep and cooking and even did all the dishes so I didn't lift a finger. Again, just what I needed. 

Thank you all for the birthday love this year, I do feel so special getting texts, tweets, emails and phone calls wishing me a wonderful day. Each and every one lifted my spirits a little higher and it went straight to my heart, so thank you.

22 comments

  1. Last year was a very tough birthday for me for different reasons. I'm glad that you ended up getting your mani/pedi, and that you were able to save the day with the help of friends. :)

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  2. Happy Belated Birthday! Mine is on the 18th and I will be 29 and I am scared of not being quite where I thought I would be in my life too. But this is a new year for us BOTH to reach our goals.

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  3. I understand not having the greatest birthday ever. happy belated birthday though. I am glad it ended better for you :)

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  4. Happy late birthday sweet Aubrey! I know the fears that come with not being where you thought you would be at certain times of life; it's so hard not to let it bring a few tears and concerns! It helps me to remember that God is in control of timing and knows exactly when & what to bring blessings to bring to each family. Praying for you!

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  5. I am 30 and just deciding that I am ready to have a little one with my husband. When I think back to how I "planned" it sure I wanted them way early. But honestly I would not have given up my twenties for anything. :) So girl go get your happy birthday on!! Your little miracles will be here before you know it!! xoxo

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  6. Happy Belated Birthday! I totally get how you feel. Only I'm turning 29 and am not even in a relationship right now. So it hurts a little that I'm not married yet...let alone with babies...so I'm having a tough time with my bday in a month. Hopefully it all works out the way it is supposed to for you.

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  7. you are so honest sweet friend. you are your heart so openly and honestly is refreshing!
    i think it's safe to say we all have our own little plan in our head, all filled out with the way we want things to be. but the good Lord has His own plan and like to remind us of that in His own way! know that just because you are not adding to your beautiful little family right this moment, doesn't mean He doesn't have you right where He wants you!
    be strong, faithful and patient (as hard as it is) .... He has the best of plans in store for YOU!

    x o x o
    lane

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  8. Aw, it's amazing how much wanting to expand your family affects you isn't it? Don't worry my friend, it will come!

    Carly
    www.lipglossandcrayons.com

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  9. I have to agree with Laura's above comment, there's no way I would of been able to afford a child in my early twenties, also simply because I was no where near getting married in my early twenties either. I'm 31 now, and finally ready. I guess when God says it's suppose to happen, it will! :) Happy Birthday :)

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  10. Happy Birthday!! Everything happens for a reason and even if you don't know the reason now, you will one day. Keep praying and it will happen on God's terms. XOXO

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  11. Happy Birthday! I'm sorry the day was so rough for you! I can totally relate. I am 26 but it took a couple of years before we felt "ready" to expand our family, and then when I felt like it was what we were supposed to do... took 3 years until it finally happened. Not that it is any easier, but in hindsight, I see now that God was preparing and refining me - and that when the timing was finally right (which was His timing) it couldn't have been more perfect.

    xoxo
    www.lacyandcrew.com

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    1. Oops hit publish too soon! It'll happen and the timing will end up being perfect, you'll see! And girl, you don't need to put any quotations around being a mom to Drake. You absolutely are!!

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  12. I didn't have my first till I was 31 and married for 5 years. It took us 8 months to conceive. I remember the anxiety and feeling like everyone was passing me by. But now I have my sweet Zoe girl and she's exquisite. I wouldn't change a thing in hindsight. Happy birthday!

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  13. I'm glad you felt better toward the end of the day! My birthday was in August and it started off shitty too because I made it that way (o.k. I was really being upset because my boyfriend slept in til 11 a.m. on the day of my birth! HOW DARE?! LOL) But you know, God plans things for a reason. Our plans are so out of this world compared to what He has in store for us! It's weird giving this piece of advice when i'm so hung up over planning my own life. You and Andrew will be ready one day! Besides, you two are so in love (from what it seems like in all of your posts that you mention him in) you should cherish the alone time you have together before baby blessings come your way! I hope you have a better week!

    xo Jessika

    Jessclassy.blogspot.com

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  14. Heather wanted to be all done at age 25 (24+1year) with three kiddos as well. Your time will come exactly when God intends and you will be thankful because that sweet baby He meant for you to have at that moment will be the most wonderful thing in your world. Happy belated birthday lovely lady!

    xo - Rachel
    hardinghappenings.com

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  15. Happy belated love, I am sorry it started rough but I am glad it ended well. I find most of my bdays go that way as well. Cant wait to come home and have hh!!

    xxS

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  16. I just saw this post, and I am glad your birthday was turned around by your sweet friends. Turning 27 this year was very hard for me, and I can SO relate to what you are going through. I have dealt with so much loss this year and never imagined celebrating my birthday,alone. I always thought I would have my husband by my side, but all of that came crashing down. What I have to remind myself is that there is always better coming. I have so much life yet to live, and life yet to give. I have a lot of love to give as well. Holidays and birthdays can sometimes be difficult and can be a reminder of what we do not yet have. I encourage you to soak up these moments as a couple before becoming a couple and parents! These will be sweet times, and even though you love your kids unconditionally, you may wish for these days back. Especially running on very little sleep! LOL. I know it can ache inside though. Prayers for you! Keep your head up and your heart open! :)

    Melissa

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  17. I wasn't even married by the time I turned 24. I had actually just started dating my husband. At the time I felt so old, but now looking back, I was just a baby. You are too! Calm down relax, it will all happen in God's perfect timing.

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  18. I can totally relate to this! Except my number is 30... Which is now 2 years away & although we're talking about it, we're just not stable enough to make it happen right now. And I agree that some days it just totally sucks & other days it's easier to handle. So glad your husband & friends were able to turn your day around for you! Happy belated Birthday pretty lady!!

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  19. I can totally relate to this! Except my number is 30... Which is now 2 years away & although we're talking about it, we're just not stable enough to make it happen right now. And I agree that some days it just totally sucks & other days it's easier to handle. So glad your husband & friends were able to turn your day around for you! Happy belated Birthday pretty lady!!

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  20. Happy Belated Birthday! :) Thank you so much for sharing with us and letting us join you on this new chapter, story, and even sadness... Just wanted to send you a note of encouragement to enjoy and embrace this extra time to better prepare yourself and your husband to create a family. Besides, all good things are made in HIS time. :)

    Keep on, my friend!

    XO. J.
    www.coffeeandhoneycomb.blogspot.com

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  21. This verse stumbled upon me this week:

    "In his heart a man plans his course,
    but the Lord determines his steps." - Proverbs 16:9

    :) Hugs!

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