So many words.

August 29, 2012

Word vomit. So sorry in advance.

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Moments of life that bring along complete frustration.

Their not my favorite but seem to be lingering around me lately. I have been high fiving, fist pumping and waving helllllo to these spurts more than I please to admit. I don't seem to understand why sometimes they become my company. Why they feel the need to nag me and mix up all life has been blessing me with. But that's life. Along with those blissful phases of marriage, love, relationships, work, exploring, traveling, adventuring, DOING..... comes irritation.

Frustration.

Insecurities.

Discontentment.

I seem to jump on the band wagon of "OMG let's get healthy and be organic and super skinny in two days, okay?!"

Umm, that doesn't work. After my significant weight loss (what I deem significant) I've been loyal to the gym, eating healthier and all around making better decisions about activities and lifestyle. I'd say Casa Kinch has evolved from that stand point. We have our moments of ice cream runs, whip cream topped strawberries and my infamous creamer overload in my morning coffees but altogether, we aren't eating out the majority of the time and when we're at dining in, I use healthy alternatives.

So when I stand in my closet every morning, frustrated by my body and how those jeans just don't fit right or how that top is slighty too uncomfortable.. why can't I be positive about my journey to where I am now? Why do the demons start nagging and eating away at my weak moments. The demons camp out in my mind for days and I can't kick them out. Seriously.

What makes us woman so insecure about how we look? What makes me so unsure of myself? Why do I dwell on those weak moments and let them fuel my mood and insecurities.

What the hell is it??

I tend to stop and think about when I'll be pregnant and how I'll be dressing to accommodate then. I have forced myself to promise every person I know who will actually hold me accountable-- that I spend time on myself, getting dolled up and enjoying those moments of having a pregnancy glow, all while looking DAMN cute. So if I can be so confident about embracing those extra pounds before they even happen, why can't I embrace myself now?

At what point will I be happy and look at myself saying, "yeah, I like what I see."? You may not know, and I sure as hell don't but maybe, just maybe that's all apart of this crazy journey. Maybe this little bump in my road is teaching me to embrace being a woman. Embrace the body I have and embrace that my husband LOVES it.

11 comments

  1. All I gotta say is I couldn't agree with you more girl and I totally relate!

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  2. Totally agree with you! The society we live in makes us think that we want to be super skinny and tan and trim. But in reality it's not who we are. Great post! (: Happy Wednesday!

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  3. Seriously, it takes a lot to tell yourself, I LOVE WHO I AM AND I'VE COME SO FAR! We ALL get those thoughts, but only the brave are able to share it with others... so you go girl. At least you know you shouldn't be thinking that way, and you know your husband loves you. The rest is background noise!

    All we can do is make the right choices in the moment.. doesn't mean we can never have a Snickers... but just means we gotta be more selective and under control with our portions! You can do it girl... you're already doing it!

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  4. Just I love you <3 No advice. You're beautiful exactly as you are, but I can't way to see you with a little baby Kinch glow :)

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  5. I've been where you were and where you are at twice in my life. And all in a matter of 2 years. Yeah... thats alot of weight to lose and gain and lose again. But I did. I think what helped me the most is that I realized that there are SO many women out there struggling to even get started. So every pound I lost, even though it wasn't that much compared to some people, was still an accomplishment. And i needed to give myself more credit for my determination. So, hats off to you Aubrey for doing it. You are beautiful and what you did is an accomplishment. Love yourself for it :)

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  6. This post is honest & true & I love it. I think a lot, if not all, girls experience these same feelings & you are the one who had the guts to put it out there. Go girl!

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  7. You look Great!! At least from what I see but I now that when I am having one of these days it is NOT about how others see me it is about how I see me. I feel you!! I am glad I am not the only one who feels like this (a lot more than I would like to admit!

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  8. First off let me just say that you are beautiful! Inside and OUT!
    We can all thank media&society today for us women having these insecurities. Point blank it sucks. The image formed by media today puts an image in a woman's head that is that of a Ralph Lauren runway model(beautiful, but it makes a woman with a body have these insecurities) I finally had to make myself believe that a woman is suppose to have curves and hips! Just do what makes you feel GOOD and happy about yourself. God loves you, your hubby loves you and We all love you!!

    You. are. wonderful.
    You. ARE. beautiful!!

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  9. Holly Martinez8/30/12, 8:29 AM

    Aubrey, I'm pretty sure you just spoke for EVERY girl out there with this post. I'm sure there are a few lucky girls out there who are generally stoked about the way they look, but I bet even those girls have their days of feeling like this.
    I'm insecure on a daily basis about EVERYTHING -- my hips, my thighs, my stomach, my cellulite, my hair, my face, my clothes.. and that's just the outside. I won't even start on the inside things that I'm insecure about.
    Anyway, I totally feel you. We both know that we should find our identity and our affirmation in the way God sees us -- created in his image; fearfully and wonderfully made; more precious than rubies. And when we don't believe that, we should be able to at least take comfort in the fact that our awesome husbands think we're beautiful and sexy and want us just how we are. Yet we seem to not believe EITHER of these, or seem to somehow think that our own [false] opinion on the issue is the only one that matters. How wrong we are... but how difficult it is to understand that.
    Aubrey, you look incredible, and you have made amazing progress. You have practiced hardcore discipline and self-control, and I have been inspired and impressed watching you on your journey. You have always been SO beautiful, but you are now healthier and stronger than before. Don't downplay your accomplishment, and don't counteract your hard work by getting down on yourself. You should be so proud of how far you've come, and you should revel in the rockin' new bod you've earned yourself :) And whether you lose a few more pounds or gain the weight back, or whatever happens -- you are seriously gorgeous, and you have an incredibly beautiful spirit... as hard as that may be to believe sometimes.

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  10. Holly Martinez8/30/12, 10:25 AM

    Oh, also:
    ‎"Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God".
    1 Peter 3:3-4

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  11. Aub! I have struggled with my body images for pretty much ever, all of my highschool years and up until I have been with my boyfriend. He has made me love myself just by showing me how much he loves me and doesn't care about all my little lumps and bumps. This has been a total life-changing acceptance for me with something I've struggled with for so so long. I think a really important part of being comfortable with your body is buying clothes that are flattering and fit well, no matter what size you are.

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