A special closeness.

November 20, 2012

Real talk time.

Saturday night hubs and I went to a concert at the church and Andy Cherry was opening for Citizen Way. He had his wife in the audience and shared a song he wrote for her and sang to her the night before their wedding. I hit me hard and in an emotional way. He was talking about their love and the closeness they share with each other. I made me think of Elle, random, I know.

I've been irritated lately when we've been around babies and I can't quite seem to find the sweet spot holding them. I can't seem to lull them to sleep or snuggle them just right. But with Elle, I was the only one who could.

She was my sweet pea and I knew as soon as cuddles started with her, she was in her happy place dozing off. When she was an infant I stole her from her swing and crib just to hold her during naps. Once she hit toddler she started showing signs of sleepiness and we'd grab a blanket and bury into the couch together for some sweet quiet time. Even the last few months before I left while watching movies she'd be my buddy curled up enjoying our moments like that. It made me realize that even though I don't have that "touch" with every baby, I have that touch with the people closest to me. I had that touch with Elle because she was like my own. She was my sweet baby girl and had (and still does) a firm grip on my heart.

I've been missing the time I had with her and those moments we would share. I've been praying for her and the new nanny she's adapting to. I've been praying she understands she's getting a baby brother or sister in the spring. I've been praying she is building a solid and stable relationship with her parents over her nanny. Maybe I'm being selfish (which is probably the case) but I wish I was the one with her now sharing these moments while her life is turning upside down.

I wish it was me holding her and lulling her to sleep. I wish it was me teaching her how to share and love a sibling. I wish it was me growing a deeper relationship and dependence. I love where I am now and am so blessed but that doesn't mean I don't have weak days missing my little bug who is so dear to my heart.


  1. I don't know if you realize it, but I had that touch with you. Thats the reason I live for your HUGS. Love, Daddy

  2. Um, the comment above is just the sweetest ever!


  3. Your dad's comment seriously just made me weep a little bit. Elle looks like a precious little lovebug.

  4. I have no words to say(write)that could comfort you- except that A. Your dad's words are so special. B.You will always be special to Elle! She is blessed to have people, like you, who love her so very much!

  5. I feel the exact same way with the little one I'm nannying now. It is such a blessing that we have been able to be such special people in little ones lives =)

    Xoxo Court

  6. That last picture is SO cute.

  7. your daddy's comment is so, SO precious!!

    elle is one blessed little girl to have people in her life that love her so much!