Being Mommy

December 4, 2014


When I married Andrew, Drake was 4 years old. We didn't have him consistently because of Andrew's work schedule never permitting that time so we had him every other weekend. In May of 2012 we made the switch to having little man one week on and one week off and were elated about that change. It never was an issue with his mom because we all get along really well and her and I have always been super open about how she's mommy and I'm Aubrey, his stepmom. I didn't ever want to step on her toes and make her feel inferior and I didn't ever want Drake to think I was trying to take her place.

Yesterday, we were in the car talking about ordering Christmas stockings and I told him how I was going to get them embroidered with Andrew, Aubrey, Drake and Emery... he then said "you should do them as Daddy, Mommy, Drake and Emery" and it totally took me off guard. He then proceeds to tell me he's just going to start calling me mommy because he doesn't want Emery to get confused as she grows up and I'm basically his mommy too. It melted and shocked my heart all at the same time. Of course, I love his love and acceptance of me in his life but even more so now being a mommy, I would never want him to say this because it would hurt his mom so badly.

We're in  a tough spot right now. He's still young and doesn't quite understand what this stepmom/stepdad thing means and over the years we've always said it's more love for him and he gets two extra families. This has totally appeased him but now he's coming into the age where he's asking more and more questions to us and his mom. I've continued telling him calling me Aubrey is what's best and maybe in a couple more years, his dad, mom and I can sit with him and explain in depth and answer his questions but right now I just have to pray that I'm making a strong impact in his life.. Thankfully, I'm reassured I am when he tells me he loves me every day, kisses me every night before bed and comes to me with his struggles to wash away his worries. I couldn't love him more and there's zero difference between him and Emery deep in my heart.

11 comments

  1. This is such a sweet moment in your life! As a woman who grew up with both a step-mother and a step-father, I totally understand your predicament. I was never comfortable enough calling either of my step-parents 'mom' or 'dad' but I do now. My step-mom is no longer in the picture, but I call my step-dad 'dad' now. I know every family is different, but I know my mom would have been overjoyed if I had called her husband 'dad' growing up. And I know my dad wouldn't have minded, because he knows and I know that he's my dad and that's never going to change. Whatever you all figure out, I'm sure it will be best for your family. I'm sure it was amazing to hear Drake refer to you as mommy. Even in that circumstance :)

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  2. That is just precious that he was thinking of Emery when he wanted to call you mommy. Such a tough deal between all of you, but he is so blessed to have you all on the same team.

    Becky
    @bybmg

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  3. such a precious moment, it is so nice that you all get along so well though :)

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  4. It's a bit of a reversal but my sister is four years old. I call her mom Karen and my mom, I call mom. But when I am referring to K in regards to my sister, I call her mommy. As in: 'Well did Mommy say you could do that?" or "Let's go show Mommy what we made!" She knows my mom's name and she calls my mom by her name. I have no idea how you would explain that to a young kid but it's what works for us. I have called K mommy in front of my own mom but it is apparent I am doing it for the baby's sake and it doesn't hurt my mom's feelings bc I don't think of her as my mom. My sister has always known that her dad is daddy and my dad is daddy but her mom is mommy and my mom is S. And she adores my mom. Maybe the assurance of letting him nothing has to change. He is lucky to have you. Families like ours are rare and beautiful :) xo

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  5. This is so sweet! I actually warmed my heart when I read what Drake suggested. He is one lucky dude to have so many people in his life who love him!

    www.ohmyleopard.com

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  6. Words are escaping me right now, but I admire your strength in this situation, you are amazing! Drake's love shows that he has the right role models and people that love him dearly. Beautiful!

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  7. I have loved reading about you and Drake's growing love. Like most of your readers who commented above, I've had my own experience with a similar situation. I learned when I was 10 that the woman I grew up calling "mom" was not my actual birthmom, though she was to my four older sisters. However, I never stopped calling her mom. In my eyes -- and my family's eyes -- she was My Mom because of what she did for me -- loved me, cared for me, raised me, taught me, comforted me...Mom'ed me. I would have been extremely upset if I couldn't have called her Mom because that would have reclassified our relationship -- words are powerful, and to have one child be able to call you something another can't creates a rift just because of the inherent power of language.

    Obviously a very personal issue, and I know you and Andrew and Drake's mom will pray hard about it and figure something that works for you out!

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  8. Oh my gosh. That is such a sweet moment and I am sure just filled you with joy. But I love your stance on it and respecting his mommy and wanting to teach him that it is about having two families that love you. You are doing a great job mama!

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  9. Drake truly is such a genuinely sweet kid. You and Andrew are both amazing people and parents; and it makes my heart happy that your little family is so blessed!

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  10. I call my stepmomma Mom & I call my "real mom" Momma or Mommy, and yes, I'm 22 & still call her Mommy sometimes ha! My parents never forced it on me, & I didn't really start calling Lynn mom until I was 18 and moved in with her and my Dad and my younger siblings are hers biologically, so that's what just felt natural, all of this to say, do what is best for your family, but Drake sounds like a great kid & it sounds like his mom is a great lady who is accepting of you as well!

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