AUBREY KINCH

Do you ever just completely lose it? Like tears streaming down your face, body shaking, snot running kind of losing it?

I don't know what it is but there are times when life seems so heavy and burden after burden get piling up that whenever that moment hits me and I need to break down-- it's monumental. It's a huge ordeal and everyone happens to notice and I don't ever seem to have enough tissues or eye drops to get through it. Hence mascara and snot ending up eveywhere on the surface of my face, hands and pants.

It's not pretty.

This last week of life has gotten even more difficult to navigate than the prior weeks that I was so barely keeping my head above water. Andrew transferred to a new store with Discount Tire which was loooong overdue as he was at the prior one for 3+ years; we were so excited for his transfer, yes it was a farther drive but it's a new change of pace that he was SO needing.

Wednesday was his first day and I was patiently awaiting his text at lunch telling me about his morning, his initial thoughts and how he was persevering through the day.... it never came. I get off work, run some errands and did grocery shopping when FINALLY I get a call from him.

"I just found out we have a meeting after work tonight so I won't make dinner."

Oh, okay.

8pm rolls around.

9pm rolls around.

9:15pm he calls saying he's leaving work.

He left for work at 6:15am. Holy geez. That's a long first day at a new store! He gets home, he's shot and has nothing left to even make out 4 sentences before he's asleep.

Well, good talk! Hopefully we can do this again tomorrow....NOT.

Thursday night-- he get's home at 7:45pm.

Friday night, 7:40pm.

This is the point I start to become resentful. This is the moment I get angry.

I work hard to keep things in order around the house, to keep the schedule with getting Drake, to have dinner ready on the table, fresh laundry, clothes set out, lunches made.... all I want in return is a little bit of time to relax and wind down with my husband and by the looks of things, I'm becoming the wife who will have everything done, looking forward to a night with my husband and receiveing a snoring man in 20 minutes upon his arrival.

So today it hit me. I'm taking my frustrations out on a man who has zero control over them. I'm setting myself up with expectations that can no longer be met because my husband is working hard to provide for ME. He's busting his chops to keep a shelter over our head, food in our fridge, warm water for our showers...

I sit here tears streaming as I write. This is a hard adjustment. This is something we never realized how blessed we were before when he had a "slow" store. We are learning how to navigate these times and learning how to still connect in our marriage with little time throughout the week to spend together.

Sunday is here-- a day to sleep in with my man, a day to worship our Lord and a day to spend building relationships with the youth TOGETHER.

I pray that God can work in my heart, mind and soul giving me strength to overcome these new challenges in our life TOGETHER.

I have never been the "athlete". I won't get in to the details of that story now cause it's been posted HERE so go get caught up and meet me back here....

Okay, that was January and it's almost April...

So now that I've been actively working out I wanted a challenge.

I'm running a 10K May 12th.

That's in 2 weeks.

I could throw up thinking about it.

What did I get myself into?

It's one thing doing it on my own but I needed someone to keep me accountable.

So I asked my younger cousin Madison; she's a cheerleader and about to start her Freshman year of high school. She is used to running daily so I thought she'd be great at support.

I told my dad and brother about it hiking one morning and before I knew it-- they were committing to running it too.

AWESOME.

All I thought was: "Now I really can't bail!!!" :(

Weeks later of training.... running into trash cans training, I'm noticing change.

Change in my legs.

Change in my lungs.

Change in my lifestyle.

Running is becoming my outlet. A healthy outlet. One I look forward to taking part in and feeling a sense of loss without doing it.

That's something I never thought would be me.

Running?? You would've been crazy to suggest that!!

A few weeks back life decided to throw me in a funk-- one I'm still fighting a battle with. I was barely running and when I did, it was maybe, maaaaybe 2 miles before I'd give up. I've been dealing with migraines also, which does NOT help while running! And I was slowly losing my outlet, losing the sense of accomplishment. This past Monday, this happened:

Referring back to this post, you saw how irritated I was over a stupid memo board.

I was seriously about to punch a hole in the wall right where I wanted it to go-- I think that would've solved my OCD decorating dilemma. Maybe not.

Good thing I didn't try.

BUT-- Saturday I drove my behind straight to Hobby Lobby, got some great accessory stuff and I am one happy camper with a sweet looking memo board!

Do you want to see?? :)

When it rains, it pours. We are all too familiar with that saying.

The closing of 2011 was a tough one for the Kinch household as well as close family around us.

We lost someone so dear to our hearts; it still effects me unexpectedly today.

I also lost one of my best friends my Senior year of high school.

Talk about struggles.

Man, I thought I'd never be myself again.

I took my anger out towards God and wanted nothing to do with him.

Why would he condemned me to such suffering?

Did I disobey? Did I stray from loving him? Did I deserve the pain my heart felt?

Our series at church right now is "unchristian".

Sunday we talked about why God causes suffering.

Why do Christians constantly say--

"it wasn't meant to be"

"it wasn't part of God's plan"

"if it's meant to happen, it will happen"

"it was the will of the Lord"

No.

That's not correct.

God does not sit in Heaven planning out who is going to run that red light causing a child to die, planning this man will get cancer and pass a short 6 months later, planning these new parents will suffer a miscarriage, planning this high schooler will overdose.

No. That's not in God's heart.

When my best friend died all I blamed was the Lord. It was his fault for causing this pain.

But did he really plan for that bus to run off the road killing 8 of the passengers??

Absolutely not.

Our Father loves each and every one of us. He is standing along side us rooting for us and struggling when we struggle. Weeping when we weep. It's those moments in life you need the Lord the most to carry your weight. To comfort you in time of need. His heart breaks when our heart breaks.

This song gets me everytime.

& The Book of Job; I encourage you to read it.

A few weeks back at youth this video was played as we were capturing the series "G.O.S.P.E.L."

It was a moment in time I noted that I needed to share this.

I needed to pass this along to others who need this message.

Enjoy.

G.O.S.P.E.L. from Humble Beast Records on Vimeo.

Does anyone else suffer from severe OCD??

I mean, severe.

Like you fix the pillows on the couch 2 seconds after the person who was sitting there gets up?

Told you it was severe.

Well, I've been learning.

Learning to let things go.

I'm the kind of person who won't take help from anyone else because I have a way to do:

laundry
dishes
bed making
couch fixing
pillow fluffing
bathroom cleaning
vacuuming
dusting
mopping
dog feeding

Just to name a few.

But I had an epiphany.

I need to stop with the OCD shenanigans because I'm stressing out like CRAZY.

So badly, I'm surprised I don't have grey hair yet.

So this last week-- you'll all be so proud...

I let Andrew help me with dishes.

I let Andrew to wipe the kicthen counter [he didn't go in the direction I do with the Clorox wipes but I still let him do it!!] :)

I let Andrew hang up laundry.

I let Andrew help bake Friendship Bread.

I mean, really.

I've taken some HUGE strides this last week.

I'm sort of excited about it.

'Cause Lord knows when babies come along, my hair will be grey in a week from all the clutter and chaos. But I'll live.

So I'm starting to learn how now.