AUBREY KINCH

Okay, let's get to the good stuff. It's a new year and that means New Year Resolutions. I have to say I am not one for it cause I normally never keep it for long; I think my record was last year with no coffee and I made it til.... February 9th?? Yeah, I am terrible. On a daily basis I think of tons of things I could do differently and want to grow on so as always a big one this year is losing weight.

But then I got to thinking.... I will never be 105 pounds and a size 2 again. I mean I was dancing 20+ hours a week. It was like a job to me and I loved doing it. I need to be realistic here. I need to understand that I have grown into my "womanly figure" as many call it and I need to embrace it.

I hate going to the gym. I'd much prefer having one of my intense migraines cause I just feel down right awkward there. People stare, you sweat and grunt with the hard work and I don't even want Andrew seeing me that way so why would I want tons of stranger seeing that?? I did do the gym last year as often as my mind and body would submit to it but I definitely had a stalker. This guy would always stare and come say "hi" and ask about my weekend. Let me just say, I am one of those people with their iPods in with no intentions of talking to anyone and I don't give any inviting signals either. I am there to get it done and that's that. I started going with my Dad to see if this guy would get the hint and it didn't change; it never halted. So for obvious reasons, I don't enjoy going.

Thankfully, I have come across {ZUMBA} and it has been life changing. It's so much fun and easy to do and you feel great after! I get the work out I need to drop a few pounds and I get to let the old Dancing Diva out for a bit ;)

So here it goes, I am laying it all out there. I started 2011 weighing.... ugh... 160 pounds. GASP! I know, it was horrendous. I look back at pictures and want to punch myself. I gained tons of weight right before Andrew and I wed and kept it on through the first months of 2011. I thank God for blessing me with Andrew cause he was by my side through the whole weight gain and was still telling me I was beautiful and that he wouldn't change a thing. But I can happily say that I am now starting 2012 weighing.... 133 pounds. It may not be much of a difference but being 5 feet tall, those pounds are compacted and adds lots of volumptuous curves I didn't want.

I would be lying if I said I was content with the weight I am now, but I am embracing what I have worked for in the last year. I changed  my eating habits and minimized the coffee and soda. I drink TONS of water... I mean enough to where I pee about every 40 minutes, haha, and it's been paying off. I try to be intentional with Zumba a few times a week and the gym here and there but mainly it's just trying to stay HEALTHY. I don't want to be a skinny-mini the way society has brain washed the world to be, I only want to be health. By being active and eating right, I am.

Friday was the funeral and memorial for Jim Waibel. It was something I was going into telling myself I had to be the strong one in the family. I had to be the one to hold up my family and make sure I wasn't emotional. Well, dad gave a speech and it was great.... hearing him get choked up killed me. Few tears were shed at that time but after the Benediction, the men dearest to my heart, lost it. Knowing my dad melts when he gets an "Aubrey Hug" I was at his side immediately hugging on him as close as I could and making sure he knew how proud I was of him and how much I loved him. My brother is not one to lose it or to become emotional around ANYONE and again it killed me seeing him upset. It breaks my heart seeing these strong men crumble. It makes my heart hurt knowing I can't change the past and make Jim come back to be with all of us.

A couple weeks ago I wrote about the events in Jim's disappearance and how we found he had gone to be with the Lord. Read about it here. Of all people I wanted to see that post, it was my family. I forwarded it to my parents and grandparents as I knew they would enjoy reading about how I looked up to Jim in my life. Well, they did love it and forwarded it on to many more to see my {tribute}, if you will. Friday was a day I was recognized for writing. I was thanked for my openess to share. I was greeted with open arms by Uncle Jim's family as they appreciated my thoughts after losing someone so close to me.

I honestly don't do good with meeting people or with expressing myself after a compliment so that day was overwhelming for me. Let's just say after we left the church and on our way home to get set up for the memorial, I lost it. Thank God for my amazing husband for his unconditional understanding and love and for consoling me throughout the drive. I try to be strong for my family and loved ones and I try to be the rock to hold up and encourage everyone, but sometimes I need to have my own meltdowns. And sometimes I need to listen to my emotions and lose it occassionally.

During this past weekend, a few close friends of mine have been dealing with struggles. All I want to do is wrap my arms around them and let them know I'm praying and God is watching over them and sending strength their way. It just isn't that simple all the time. I've come to a point where yes, I am a people pleaser. I very much care about what others think of me, I look to please everyone else before myself. I can't always do that.

I came home to a card from Andrew the other night and it made my heart melt. He pointed out everything I am worrying about now. How I want to please and give and bend over backwards to make sure people aren't hurting. He told me things I needed to hear about how he so appreciates what I do for him and his family and our family and home and for Drake. I love him for this {just because} card. They are the best of them all.

So here I am...exploding all these thoughts that have been bouncing around my head this weekend and I'm just so thankful for those close friends and family I have. They make me stronger and make me want to send my love their way for anything and everything.

Monday October 24th a dear friend of our family went missing; Jim Waibel. The first few days were beyond surreal as our family knows this man like the back of our hands. He was responsible, caring, witty and a passionate cat lover. He treated his kitties like babies; they were his world. So how could he have just left them and his home without an explanation?? No one knew. As time went on the authorities launched a missing persons case but nothing came to surface regarding new evidence as to what happened and where he could be. Read about it here.

November 17th a man's body was found near the Navajo Bridge up by Lees Ferry. Detectives contacted the right people to locate recent dental records to confirm the identity of the man to be Jim Waibel. That story is here.

So here was are, 2 weeks later his identity confirmed. Yes, we knew this could be what happened. Yes, we would rather have this closure than going throughout life not knowing where he was or what happened to him. Yes, he's through the pain and suffering and was embraced by Heaven's open arms but it still hurts.

I've known Uncle Jim since the day I was born. Long before that was when he and my dad met in college at NAU and were good ole room mates. Proud owners of the {Chateau}! For those who don't know this story, their house was a peice of work barely held up but it was shelter and that as a college student was something worth bragging about. Once the two boys grew up and started their lives in the "real world" they purchased homes a street away from each other. This is where him being part of my life comes into play. Every weekend dad and I would ride our bikes a street back to Uncle Jim's and he'd be there waiting for me saying "How much did you miss me this time, Aubrey?" Me, with my arms stretched out the biggest/longest they could reach would reply "THIS MUCH!!" The years went on this way until my family moved to our second home a few miles from Uncle Jim. But that didn't hinder the relationship. He was part of every birthday, holiday and event. Was even there to witness the marriage of Andrew and myself.

As time goes on I can only thank the Lord for accepting a new angel but Jim Waibel-Waibs-Uncle Jim will truly be missed. It's now time to come together and embrace his family and to smother them with prayer as it's now time for closure.